My top ten movies of all time

I’ve never considered myself a romantic and especially not a helpless one, but when I consider the movies on my personal top 10 list I may have to reconsider.

1)Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961 Audrey Hepburn, George Peppard)
I love this movie for many reasons. More than anything because it somewhat forces the viewer to look at themselves. Holly Golightly had a hard life growing up and decided to run from it and hide from the world, she also ended up hiding from herself. It takes her cute neighbor to point this out to her and make her see that she cant spend her life running from her own ghosts. ***sigh*** life lesson number 1.

2)His Girl Friday (1940 Cary Grant, Rosalind Russell)
“Friday” is the perfect career woman. She is dominating in a male dominated field. The one thing she doesn’t have and wont take a proper amount of time for is love. Of course by the end of the movie she realizes that she cant continue to push love to the side. We all need someone and its not impossible to have a career and a husband, you just have to find the balance. Life lesson #2

3)To have and Have Not (1944 Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall)
The chemistry between Boggie and Bacall in this movie is just magical. She’s young, he’s not. She’s a bit forward for 1944 but it works on and off screen. The two were married at Malabar Farms, which is now an Ohio State Park in Richland County, shortly after the filming of this movie. (http://parks.ohiodnr.gov/malabarfarm)
Life lesson #3, in case its not obvious Love doesn’t always come in the package you are expecting

4) A Patch of Blue (1965 Sidney Poitier, Shelly Winters)
This is supposed to be a romance and I guess I can see it but thats not at all how I would describe this movie. Selina has an abusive home life, Gordon finds a way to get her out. I see this movie as being more about helping those around us that are in need. To make the story even more interesting and where I assume the “romance” comes in. Selina is a blind, white teenager and Gordon is a black male at least 10 years older. The movies deals with all the classic issues of interracial relationships of that day. All in all this movie feels good.
Life lesson #4, help those you can

5)Gone with the Wind (1939 Clarke Gable, Viven Leigh)
This is a super long movie so of course a lot happens, but what I remember and love the most about this movie, aside from Miss. Scarlett wanting to showcase her boobs at the BBQ, was when Scarlet declared she would never be poor again. (You’ll have to watch the movie to find out how that happened) Sometimes to conquer a situation in our life we have to declare that it can no longer be a situation in our life. Life lesson #5

6) Sabrina (1954 Humphrey Bogart, Audrey Hepburn)
Two of my favorite actors in one movie. In this movie Sabrina is the shy, awkward daughter of the help, with a major crush on the youngest son of her fathers employer. Of course he doesn’t notice her and she doesn’t notice how sound the older brother is. In the end the right people end up together. (See life lesson #3)

7) Casablanca (1942 Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman)
I know this movie is on every great movie list but this is really a great movie. Theres so much to the story if you pay attention, secret pasts, lost lovers, back room illegal activity, a war, people buying passage to America and great music. This movie is worth seeing more than once.

8) To Sir with Love (1967 Sidney Poitier, Judy Geeson)
Such a powerful movie about how sometimes people (in this case a group of teenagers) just need someone to show them how much they care. And you know what else is great about this movie, its a black teacher and a group of white kids. The other way around is way over done in American cinema. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OB9npoIeH0E
(see life lesson #4)

9)Arsenic and Old Lace (1944 Cary Grant, Priscilla Lane)
Crazy old ladies poisoning and burying lonely old men in the cellar to “help them find peace.” The movie is hilarious. Life lesson #6 do not drink homemade Elderberry wine offered to you by two old maids.

10)Singing in the Rain (1952 Gene Kelly, Donald O’Connor)
I don’t normally like musicals but this one made me feel good so its on the list. I don’t remember the storyline but I remember it made me happy. Life lesson # 7 be happy

The bubble

When we think of the phrase “living in a bubble” we think of middle to upper class white Americans that are mostly out of touch with the realities of the world around them. Truth is, we all live in a bubble of some sort. We all have our own version of what the realities of the world are. In the past two months my bubble has gotten a little bit larger. I have been exposed to street life, drug culture, statistics about elder abuse and intimate partner abuse that I still cant wrap my mind around. There is a thing called reproductive coercion?! ***sigh***I knew the world could be a cruel and ugly place but I did not realize how bad people can truly be.¬†

With all the information I have come to learn recently one would think I would shut myself in the house lock the doors and never interact with the people of the world again. By walking out the door I put myself in danger of some type of hurt, not me. Though I see and acknowledge the ugliness in the world, I also see hurting people that need someone. A shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, arms to hug. The world is hurting and I can help. My place and purpose on this earth is to help others.

What is my role

Its been a hard week for me.¬†Eight months really but this week I’ve had more time to notice. I’m thirty-five, 36 in just about 4 months, no children, dating a wonderful guy with a 7 year old son. What’s hard you ask? I’m thirty-five soon to be 36 with no children. I am slowly coming to terms that this may not happen for me. Medically having a child is a risk I am not sure I am willing to take, autoimmune diseases are tricky. Other than that I’ve never been on birth control, yet I have never been pregnant.

When I was younger I didn’t want kids, I was happy on my own. As I got older things changed I wanted to love and be loved, by a wonderful man and by a child of my own. I wanted the experience of having a child, feeling it kick and grow, knowing that my body was doing something amazing by creating another human being, to be up at 2am pleading with a crying child to just go back to sleep, to take an adorable little girl (or boy) to their first day of kindergarten, to silently cry as I watched them take their first steps away from the security of their mother and into the world. I wanted a lot of things but life has taken those options away from me and surrounded me with people that have children and great stories about how amazing it is to be a parent. I cry each time the boyfriend tells me about his son, I never let him see it, I go to bed early, take a bathroom break whatever, I go off by myself and cry.

I cant ask the world, my friends, my family, the boyfriend not to be so proud and vocal about their role as parents but I do hope I come to peace with my role, whatever it may be, very soon.