I’ve had a hard week.
I’ve been having a crisis of faith for a few weeks now but this week it has been more real than ever.
I’ve had to witness my granny getting older, I dont like it. Its hard. I’ve know 3 of my 4 grandparents, I loved them all dearly and I’ve had to watch all 3 go through sickness. I still miss the other 2.
This is the first week I’ve thought I may regret quitting my job, but that regret was centered around money so I still know I did the right thing. Third paycheck and I should be ok, I hope.
I think my boyfriend should find a relationship that is more fulfilling to him but he wont leave. I do like him, a lot and I want to be in this relationship but I also want to live according to my beliefs (no sex before marriage) he equates sex with love so he is good for about 2 weeks then he is worried I “dont want him”. I feel bad because I do, then we either argue or I give in. We used to have the same argument a lot, lately I have found myself giving in. There are so many other ways to show love
I’ve had to consider how I really feel about trans gender people. I still dont know, I dont understand it. I feel like I should get it but I just dont.
I’ve been have some funky health things going on, I do not, repeat do not want to find out any more depressing news about my body. I am tired of hearing it all. I dont know that I am going to discuss this with my doctor.
I’m 36 or almost 40. I guess it depends on how you look at it.
Having had so many trainings on and working with so many people with mental health things going on I am beginning to worry I suffer from chronic depression. I’ve always gone through cycles. Not just the ups and downs with life, but I cycle through the year, Theres a definite pattern to my moods.
I’ve been praying about something and last night I had a dream that almost answered my question. I woke up before I could finish my conversation. I wonder if I should visit with the people in the dream.
I hope my life is a help to someone else. I know many believers go through crises of faith, moments of doubt and struggles with their weaknesses but you rarely hear anyone admit to it. Most people act like they have never doubted, questioned or sinned since the day they came to put their faith in God. Thats not fair, I am trying to be real and honest with my experience hopefully it will be a help to someone else.