Whats your secret

I discovered a website today http://www.postsecret.com. Its a very interesting site with lots of interesting stuff people are willing to share. Anyway, this made me think about my secrets, I’ve got some good ones but this is the one I want to share. Mental Health patients fascinate me. When I was in high school I just knew I would one day study psychology, I wanted to be a prison phsychologist and “pick” the brains of the criminally insane. I dont know why. I just want to know what makes people tick I guess. I gave up on the idea when I saw a movie where the prison phsychologist was almost killed. Still, if there was a safe way for me to talk to serial killers that believed they were doing the world a favor, I’d be all for that. I’ll admit this fascination scares me a bit and I am sure some would say my fascination is not normal. I also have a fascination with true crime, the Zodiac Killer being my favorite story to follow, all roads lead to the criminally insane.

Maybe I need to see someone.


Live with Purpose Everyday

Recently I did a 21 day study on women of the Bible. “21 day plan for Busy Women: A Rich and Satisfying Life” was the title. For 21 days I read about various women in the Bible, some we consider to be “villains” and had to answer 4 questions:
1. What was God’s Role in her life
2. How did she respond? Did these actions lead her towards the rich and Satisfying Life Jesus promised?
3. How does the story apply to me today?
4. What is one thing I can do differently based on what I’ve learned.

I’ll admit I haven’t answered these questions for every woman, I’ve got to set a study time for myself and stick to it, this study took me closer to an entire month to do. However, this is what I learned from the study. The women featured were:
1. persistent/faithful in their actions. Samson kept lying to Delilah, she kept asking. I would have gotten frustrated walked away. I’m not going to deal with being lied to over and over. Judges 16:4-22
2. They were honest about their feelings. The woman of Shunem went off on Elisa and did not hold back when her son died. She never asked for a son and she was not happy when he died. 2nd Kings 4:8-10
3. They worked through their doubts. When Esther was asked to go see the king, she knew that it was very unlikely she would be granted a meeting with him, she tried anyway. How many times do we not try because “thats not how things are done”. Esther 2:1-8; 4:6-17
4 Respectful/Loyal. More than one of these ladies had a silly husband. Abigail didn’t agree with her husbands actions but she did not fight or argue with him. She just made it right. 1st Samuel 25:1-39
Sapphira stuck with her husband despite his wrong, it didn’t work out well for her but she was by his side until the end. Acts 5: 1-11

These are not so bad character traits to have. Life will bring us a number of things good and bad but if we can stay persistent, to see things through until the end, honest with ourselves and others, acknowledge our doubts but push on anyway (see number 1) and respect others, even if we decide to tell them they are wrong, it can be done respectfully, we can handle any and all things life will bring.

Mary the mother of Jesus Luke 1:26-55
Jezebel 1st Kings 21:1-6
Deborah Judges 4:1-16; 5:1-23
Mary and Martha Luke 10:38-42
Rebekah Genesis 24:1-27
The widow with the oil 2nd Kings 4:1-7
Lydia Acts 16:13-15
Priscilla Acts 18:1-4, 18-19, 24-26 Romans 16:1-5
Five foolish and Five wise Virgins Matthew 25:1-13
Zeplophehads Daughters Numbers 27:1-11
Ruth Ruth 1:8-19; 2:5-12
Hannah 1st Samuel 1; 2:1-11
Women who walked with Jesus Luke 8:1-3
Tabitha Acts 9:36-43
Women who oppress the poor and needy Amos 4:1; Timothy 6:17-19
Widow at Zarephath 1st 17:7-16
The poor Widow Mark 12: 41-44; Luke 21-14
Mary the sister of Lazarus John 12:1-8

This has been my week

I’ve had a hard week.

I’ve been having a crisis of faith for a few weeks now but this week it has been more real than ever.

I’ve had to witness my granny getting older, I dont like it. Its hard. I’ve know 3 of my 4 grandparents, I loved them all dearly and I’ve had to watch all 3 go through sickness. I still miss the other 2.

This is the first week I’ve thought I may regret quitting my job, but that regret was centered around money so I still know I did the right thing. Third paycheck and I should be ok, I hope.

I think my boyfriend should find a relationship that is more fulfilling to him but he wont leave. I do like him, a lot and I want to be in this relationship but I also want to live according to my beliefs (no sex before marriage) he equates sex with love so he is good for about 2 weeks then he is worried I “dont want him”. I feel bad because I do, then we either argue or I give in. We used to have the same argument a lot, lately I have found myself giving in. There are so many other ways to show love

I’ve had to consider how I really feel about trans gender people. I still dont know, I dont understand it. I feel like I should get it but I just dont.

I’ve been have some funky health things going on, I do not, repeat do not want to find out any more depressing news about my body. I am tired of hearing it all. I dont know that I am going to discuss this with my doctor. 

I’m 36 or almost 40. I guess it depends on how you look at it.

Having had so many trainings on and working with so many people with mental health things going on I am beginning to worry I suffer from chronic depression. I’ve always gone through cycles. Not just the ups and downs with life, but I cycle through the year, Theres a definite pattern to my moods. 

I’ve been praying about something and last night I had a dream that almost answered my question. I woke up before I could finish my conversation. I wonder if I should visit with the people in the dream.

I hope my life is a help to someone else. I know many believers go through crises of faith, moments of doubt and struggles with their weaknesses but you rarely hear anyone admit to it. Most people act like they have never doubted, questioned or sinned since the day they came to put their faith in God. Thats not fair, I am trying to be real and honest with my experience hopefully it will be a help to someone else.