Aside

People spend too much time worrying about the outside of people, what they are wearing, where they are going, who they are with, but not nearly enough time being concerned about how they are feeling. The way a person feels directly affects their actions yet no one wants to talk, just lecture. “You shouldn’t do this or that, you shouldn’t go here or there.” The list of things not to do is never ending. I believe its time we started being more personal with the people we claim to like and love. Find out who they really are. Everyone has a version of themselves they are willing to offer the world. Go beyond that and find out who they are when no one is looking. We all want to belong and be accepted for who we are. Lets begin to accept others

Proud of Me.

When I was out walking yesterday I passed by my old apartment. Seeing the building brought back so many memories and I started thinking about how much my life has changed since then. since I moved to Columbus from Nashville. I’ve learned, grown, accomplished. Every year my life gets better. It makes me happy to be able to look back and see the growth. I’m proud of me!  

 

Randoms

Its been an extraordinarily long week. The wheel fell off my car with no warning. No grinding, creaking, nothing. It started running funny on Sunday was on the way to the mechanic on Monday and at the corner of Indianola and Cooke, it just fell off. It can be fixed but I’m not doing it. I’ve put enough effort and money into that car in the last year, it will never truly be “fixed”, time to move on. 

For the first time I got really involved in one of our clients stories. She was so far away from home, alone, she shouldn’t have been alone. I hope she is ok. 

I realized this week that at my rate of pay things will never be “ok” again, however I was talking to the guy that handles our retirement account, he said that though I may have found the industry I want to be in I just havent found where I “fit” yet. The money is there I may have to get certified in something but its possible to do what I love and make the money I want. I’m glad I talked to him. 

Its been 7mos and I am not in love. He is not either, we talked about it. We care immensely for one another. I dont feel I am wasting my time but I cant help but wonder if I’ll add him to the list of guys I “prepared” for the next girl. Or as I am thinking to go back to the last girl, make him the man he should be while she learns to become the woman he needs. They love each other, its obvious. 

Sometimes I wonder if I am capable of being truly in love. I’ve loved before and I’ve wanted relationships to work but I have never been starry eyed over someone. The night I asked my last boyfriend if we should continue our relationship or if I was wasting my time, I thought of all the ways and times he could have asked me to marry him and I couldnt bring myself to say yes in my own day dream. That fact helped me make the decision to leave. Was I scared? or is there really someone better out there. Will I miss what I am waiting for by reaching for the stars? Is there something wrong with me or do the sparks come later?

A guy I know, though he will never admit it, is unhappy in his marriage. He has taken to calling me just so he can have someone other than his wife to talk to. Calls me his side chick, she doesnt know he calls me. He’s on a slippery slope, I’m not about to fall with him. I should tell him. 

One step forward, three steps back. Thats what these last few weeks have felt like. I’m holding on as best I can. I know theres preparation for something greater in all of this.

John 10:10b I came that they may have life and have it more abundantly.