Only I know that

I’m terribly unhappy
But only I know that

I get up in the morning and cry, not a nice cry but the writhing in the floor like a two year old, asking God why and
then I have my coffee
Again only I know that

I listen to 70’s rock and dance around in my underwear because it puts a smile on my face
Something else only I know

Then I’m ready to face the world as the happy, well put together Janice they all know.
Who is this chick

Midlife crisis 2015

Its no secret that I have always liked older men. Yes, I was that 25yo dating a 50yo. We had great time and are still friends to this day. Recently a friend asked if I wanted to date an older man, my immediate reaction was a very confident no. I’m not 25 anymore and while 50 is a bit older than me, it is almost age appropriate. Dating an older man now would mean using his social security money to order off the senior menu at Bob Evans. Going to doctors appointments to discuss arthritis and shingles. No, no I am out of the older man business. Right now I cant even say I want to deal with men my own age. I want 5 years of carefree living, where he’s not concerned about his health, retirement, or children. I don’t want to take care of anyone right now. Not physically, emotionally, mentally, none of that. I just want to be swept up in a whirlwind of fun. These last few years have pretty much drained the life from me and I want to spend some time recapturing the feeling of being young and invincible. I’m going to be a cougar, with a tattoo and a job in a record shop.