Love

Everyone has a definition of love.

Everyone has an opinion on what love looks like, how others should find it, when they should look for it, etc. etc. etc.

Truth is love comes in many different forms at many different times.

Love may last a short while or a lifetime.

A summer fling is no less love than a 55 year marriage.

There are no rules to love. Love is a feeling followed by action.

Love often.

Love honestly.

Love completely.

2003

Many years ago I lived in Dayton Ohio. During this time I met a very debonair gentleman. He was much older than me, 26 years to be exact. I was 20 when I met him so he was 46 years old.  He was tall, attractive, and easy to talk to, just all around my type of man. I have been accused many times of having daddy issues, I don’t, I just like older men because they are stable, know what they want and rarely lie or game to get it. Rules are laid out in the beginning, it’s up to the lady if they are accepted.

By 2003 I had moved back to Columbus but I traveled to Dayton that night to see Denyce Graves, a wonderful Black American Opera Singer. While there I met up with the debonair gentleman, I hadn’t seen him in 4 years. I actually reconnected with him by leaving a message at his job. He called me back, we made plans. That night we went to a Mexican Restaurant in Beavercreek, we had dinner, we spent the night together, what was supposed to be a quiet birthday dinner turned into a seven year affair. From 25 – 32 we met up a couple times a year to enjoy each others company. We shared meals, ideas, trust and love.  At some point I wanted more, I knew it wouldn’t come from him, we said our goodbyes’, had a few phone conversations in the year to follow. Then we lost touch. I love remembering him. It brings a smile to my face and a warmth to my heart.

2009

In the summer of 2009 my best friend got married. It was the year before my 32nd birthday, the birthday that we’d decided we would get married if neither of us was married by then. I was so upset when he told me, he was my best friend but I guess I never thought of life without him. I spent the 3 days before his wedding at his new apartment, the one he and his wife would share. She didn’t want to live with him before they were married so she stayed at her parents house in Lancaster. Anyway, in those 3 days we spent together he told me he would call the wedding off if I agreed to live with him. I considered it but in the end told him, if he was willing to give up a lifetime commitment for living together he shouldn’t be getting married.

He’d asked me to marry him a couple years before. I never said no. I just asked him to do a few things before I said yes.

  1. Go to anger management. His temper often got him fired or had him walking out of jobs.
  2. Take his health seriously. He was diabetic
  3. Learn to manage his finances. He always spent money he didn’t have.

He took offense to my requests, we didn’t talk about it again.

That marriage didn’t work out for him. He found out his wife only married him to make another man jealous then he ended up getting the girl he cheated with pregnant. They moved in together and in the early months of 2017 he died.  He’d gotten an infection after an amputation (diabetes) went to sleep one night and didn’t wake up the next day. His wife found him like that.

Since I’ve learned of his death I have wondered if we had gotten married would he still be alive. Could I have convinced him to get himself together, would I have been good for him or worse. I just wanted to feel secure in our relationship, as he was, he scared me.

I miss my friend. I love him. What if he was my only real chance.