In the summer of 2009 my best friend got married. It was the year before my 32nd birthday, the birthday that we’d decided we would get married if neither of us was married by then. I was so upset when he told me, he was my best friend but I guess I never thought of life without him. I spent the 3 days before his wedding at his new apartment, the one he and his wife would share. She didn’t want to live with him before they were married so she stayed at her parents house in Lancaster. Anyway, in those 3 days we spent together he told me he would call the wedding off if I agreed to live with him. I considered it but in the end told him, if he was willing to give up a lifetime commitment for living together he shouldn’t be getting married.

He’d asked me to marry him a couple years before. I never said no. I just asked him to do a few things before I said yes.

  1. Go to anger management. His temper often got him fired or had him walking out of jobs.
  2. Take his health seriously. He was diabetic
  3. Learn to manage his finances. He always spent money he didn’t have.

He took offense to my requests, we didn’t talk about it again.

That marriage didn’t work out for him. He found out his wife only married him to make another man jealous then he ended up getting the girl he cheated with pregnant. They moved in together and in the early months of 2017 he died.  He’d gotten an infection after an amputation (diabetes) went to sleep one night and didn’t wake up the next day. His wife found him like that.

Since I’ve learned of his death I have wondered if we had gotten married would he still be alive. Could I have convinced him to get himself together, would I have been good for him or worse. I just wanted to feel secure in our relationship, as he was, he scared me.

I miss my friend. I love him. What if he was my only real chance.


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